Kendare Blake’s Over/Under of 2012

Kendare Blake DUO

Kendare Blake, author of the deliciously scary Anna Dressed in Blood duology, is the most hilariously droll author I have ever met – so of course I had to ask her for an Over/Under, as only she could do. Take it away, Kendare!

I couldn’t think of a complete over or under list to do, like “Top Ten Over-eaten kinds of candy bars” or “Top Ten Under-eaten kinds of sausage”, so I decided to do a mishmash of both. So here are some overs, and some unders. All mainly unrelated to each other.

Bruce WillisMost Overused Actor: Bruce Willis.

Okay, I get it. You’ve got taglines, and a lot of goodwill for being cool about Ashton Kutcher when pretty much nobody else in the world can be. But I’m tired of seeing you in everything. I’m tired of you in RED, and Die Hard 54, and seeing you quip with Schwarzenegger in whatever Expendables they’re making now, and popping up in already doomed G.I. Joe franchises. Every flash in the new Star Trek movie is probably just a reflection off your big, bald head.

Yet, I like you. A lot. But tone it down, guy. Find a chair and sit in it. Maybe whittle a little.

Most Underused Actor: Val Kilmer.

A few months ago, my dad made my friends and I laugh by insinuating that Val Kilmer was my favorite actor ever. Admittedly, I had quite the thing for him back when Tombstone was around. But I hadn’t thought of him for years. Now though, I find myself watching Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and wondering why the hell he isn’t in more stuff. Someone needs to find this guy, get him on Nutrisystem, and shine him up in time for the Top Gun sequel. Because a movie about Ice Man going head to head with Maverick for the last of the Metamucil is the only movie worth seeing next year.

CheeseMost Overused Food: Cheese.

Ha ha, sike! You can’t actually overuse cheese.

Most Underused Beverage: Ginger ale.

There’s got to be more we can do with that crap.

Most Overrated Performance in a TV Show or Film: Anne Hathaway in The Dark Knight Rises

I know, I know, she was good. But put a pretty girl in a black catsuit and place her opposite Christian Bale. What else would she be?

Most Underrated Performance in a TV Show or Film: David Bowie’s package in Labyrinth.

Don’t deny it. It made that movie. It was simultaneously the scariest and most riveting thing in it.

Alien_chestburster CROPMost Overused Monster Attack tactic: Anything that goes into or pops out of a human orifice or stomach.

The Alien franchise is the worst offender. The idea of something living inside us is really, really terrific and gross. Note that I’m not saying this is bad, just overused. But keep on using it.

Most Underused Monster Attack tactic: Hypnosis. Or maybe interpretive dance.

For the obvious reasons that they would be totally lame attack tactics.

(And now I find myself picturing Godzilla’s interpretive dance to Gangnam Style…)

Thanks again, Kendare!